this boner is exhausting
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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