I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
