K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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