My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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