i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
