am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
