my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i would punch a child for taco bell
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
