I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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