We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize