Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
