im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
