OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
