oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
