wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
