I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
