butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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