What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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