i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
