she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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