i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
