whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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