I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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