I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize