Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
