those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
