If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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