1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
