So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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