it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
