Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize