You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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