Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
