i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
