Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dignity is for republicans.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
