don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
