It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize