I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize