she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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