the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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