There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
