Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize