i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
