The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
