Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
