I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
