dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
