i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
