he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
