I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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