Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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