I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
