During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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