got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize