i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
