omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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