We're like a lot better than the average bears
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
