I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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