Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
