i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
