I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
