We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The feeling are messing with the penis
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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