He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
