whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
