Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
