if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize