i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
