Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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