Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she smelled like a LAN party
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
