I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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