all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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