the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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