I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you win again, gameday.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize