just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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