An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
