i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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