Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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