I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
