I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
