My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
