I'm jealous of your bromance
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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