This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
