Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
