Betty ford says i'm here all night
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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