smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
