people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
