Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I look better un-naked...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
