I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
