Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I checked into jail on foursquare
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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