Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
