If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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