My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
