You work out of a Hotel?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
