you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize