Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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