he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The ass gains better be worth it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
