OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
