ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize