I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
