oh god the rape fog is back!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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