A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
