Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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