Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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