5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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