This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
